The American Journal of Sporting Opinion
2 May 2008
Vol. 20, pg. 20
"Leave Us Alone, Athletes!"
by Oscar McPhee
Hey sports fan! Like boxing? Well how about I send Felix Trinidad to your house to beat the shit out of you??
No good? Alright, how about football? Great! Dwight Freeney will be by in a bit to sack you before you get to the microwave with that Hot Pocket®.
We like sports for a reason. They show us the kind of fast-paced, rough-and-tumble lifestyle we crave while allowing us to experience it from a safe distance. We're content to see Albert Pujols hit the game-winning home run while we clean dried saliva off our cheek. It's a win-win!
But lately, advertisers and athletes are not content to let a sleeping fat-ass lie. A new batch of commercials has popped up featuring athletes yelling at us about how much better than us they are. There's one where Michael Jordan talks about how much freakin' basketball he had to play to get good, and how stupid we are for thinking he was just born that way. In another, athletes such as football player LaDanian Tomlinson stare directly into the camera and boast about how much faster and stronger than us they are. In a third, Peyton Manning mocks our dreams of six-pack abs; "Unless you're a professional athlete, it's probably not gonna happen. My advice to you is to get bigger shirts."
Is it supposed to be news that athletes are better than me in every conceivable way except for intelligence? Can't you just take your millions of dollars, my blind devotion, all your groupies and blow and just leave me alone??
When I start my ad agency, I'm gonna have white guys with glasses talk about their SAT scores and trust fund. That'll show those millionaire game players!
2 May 2008
Vol. 20, pg. 20
"Leave Us Alone, Athletes!"
by Oscar McPhee
Hey sports fan! Like boxing? Well how about I send Felix Trinidad to your house to beat the shit out of you??No good? Alright, how about football? Great! Dwight Freeney will be by in a bit to sack you before you get to the microwave with that Hot Pocket®.
We like sports for a reason. They show us the kind of fast-paced, rough-and-tumble lifestyle we crave while allowing us to experience it from a safe distance. We're content to see Albert Pujols hit the game-winning home run while we clean dried saliva off our cheek. It's a win-win!
But lately, advertisers and athletes are not content to let a sleeping fat-ass lie. A new batch of commercials has popped up featuring athletes yelling at us about how much better than us they are. There's one where Michael Jordan talks about how much freakin' basketball he had to play to get good, and how stupid we are for thinking he was just born that way. In another, athletes such as football player LaDanian Tomlinson stare directly into the camera and boast about how much faster and stronger than us they are. In a third, Peyton Manning mocks our dreams of six-pack abs; "Unless you're a professional athlete, it's probably not gonna happen. My advice to you is to get bigger shirts."
Is it supposed to be news that athletes are better than me in every conceivable way except for intelligence? Can't you just take your millions of dollars, my blind devotion, all your groupies and blow and just leave me alone??
When I start my ad agency, I'm gonna have white guys with glasses talk about their SAT scores and trust fund. That'll show those millionaire game players!
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