ACCION Softball Fever! By Oscar McPhee

The American Journal of Sporting Opinion

12 May 2008

Vol. 32, Pg. 456-5,012

"ACCION Softball Fever!"

by Oscar McPhee

Yes folks, it's that time of year again! Time to revel in the glories of ACCION Academy Softball's finest! From sweet swingin' Joshua to runnin and gunnin' Yensee! From Break-neck chargin' Treavis to "when do I bat? I'm bored!!" Kimberly! ACCION Academy is ready to bust up your pathetic softball party and treat you like a little homo.

For those of you in the dark, this year yours truly has taken on the unenviable task of taking a rag-tag, mop-top, flip-flop pack of scrabbly sixth seventh and eighth graders and turning them into softball champions of the world. Our first game is this Wednesday at four o clock if you wanna come watch us beat the living crap out of PS 246. For now though, let's talk about some of my predictions for the coming season.

Treavis (misspelled in case he ever searches for himself) is the early front-runner for team MVP. He's a classic five-tool player with heart to boot, and will easily charge around those base paths as soon as he brings me a note explaining why he was absent last Friday. Until then he'll be keepin' that bench BOILING HOT!

Yensee (same spelling explanation) thought it'd be fun to touch some broken glass a few weeks ago, and boy has he been keeping his team in stitches! He also better bring some sort of note explaining his absences, as he's the only person I trust to be able to make the long throw from 3rd to super reliable Joshua at first.

Basically there's no way we're ever going to lose. For more player bios and upcoming game results, be sure to visit us at 176th St. and Prospect Ave. dotcom. /softballchampions.