11 April 2008
Vol. 9, pg. 342-346
"Interesting Teams Fall to Whitest Schools Ever"
by Oscar McPhee
This year's NCAA Men's Ice Hockey Championship in Denver, colloquially known as the Frozen Four, had a chance to be a teeny bit interesting. Certainly this viewer, who didn't even realize that the Frozen Four was happening, would have at least stopped channel flipping briefly to check out the Michigan vs. North Dakota championship action. If I had ESPN. Which I do not.
But in keeping with its whitey roots, the hockey Gods allowed Notre Dame to stun top-seeded Michigan 5-4 in OT and Boston College to run over North Dakota with the Zamboni, 6-1. Apparently this is the third straight year that North Dakota has lost in the national semifinals to Boston College, but I wasn't paying attention, so I still have every right to be shocked, hurt, hungry, and sleepy about the whole thing.
Michigan vs. North Dakota would have had some juice! Think of it - the state everyone's forgotten because all the the jobs are gone vs. the state everyone's forgotten because nothing has ever happened there ever! It would be like two junkyard dogs going at it, except one of them used to live in a loving home with a fireplace and 2.3 children and had to learn the hard way how to play dirty.
Who gives a crap about Notre Dame vs. Boston College? A bunch of red-headed backwards-cap wearing dipshits, that's who. Sully, McGilicuddy, O'Brien, and Shanahan will spend Saturday night cheering on their lame whitey universities, scarfing down Buffalo Wild Wings and thinking they're sophisticated because they're drinking Heineken. The rest of us will be wondering how long we have to wait for the Frozen Four to return to the hyper-interesting dogfight we remember from the good old days.
by Oscar McPhee
This year's NCAA Men's Ice Hockey Championship in Denver, colloquially known as the Frozen Four, had a chance to be a teeny bit interesting. Certainly this viewer, who didn't even realize that the Frozen Four was happening, would have at least stopped channel flipping briefly to check out the Michigan vs. North Dakota championship action. If I had ESPN. Which I do not.But in keeping with its whitey roots, the hockey Gods allowed Notre Dame to stun top-seeded Michigan 5-4 in OT and Boston College to run over North Dakota with the Zamboni, 6-1. Apparently this is the third straight year that North Dakota has lost in the national semifinals to Boston College, but I wasn't paying attention, so I still have every right to be shocked, hurt, hungry, and sleepy about the whole thing.
Michigan vs. North Dakota would have had some juice! Think of it - the state everyone's forgotten because all the the jobs are gone vs. the state everyone's forgotten because nothing has ever happened there ever! It would be like two junkyard dogs going at it, except one of them used to live in a loving home with a fireplace and 2.3 children and had to learn the hard way how to play dirty.
Who gives a crap about Notre Dame vs. Boston College? A bunch of red-headed backwards-cap wearing dipshits, that's who. Sully, McGilicuddy, O'Brien, and Shanahan will spend Saturday night cheering on their lame whitey universities, scarfing down Buffalo Wild Wings and thinking they're sophisticated because they're drinking Heineken. The rest of us will be wondering how long we have to wait for the Frozen Four to return to the hyper-interesting dogfight we remember from the good old days.
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